Another Blue Monday

Help Desk. This is Bodhi.
Hi. I have a problem with my computer.
And what is your name please?
My name is Bonnie and my screen is all blue.
What’s your employee number Bonnie?
49102.
Really? That’s a great number.
What?
Numerologically speaking.
What are you talking about Bodhi, my computer is broken.

I have to ask you a security question.
My. Computer. Is. Broken.
Yes I understand. Let’s see. What is your fat cat’s name?
Pookie. Bodhi. My fat cat is named Pookie. OK?
Yes, yes you’re verified.
I’m verified? Bodhi, I’ve worked here for 16 years.

OK, so how can I help you today?
Bodhi, my computer screen has seized up and turned blue.
I see. And how long have you been experiencing a problem?
I just got to work and tried to boot up. The home screen came up and then everything just turned blue.
Another Blue Monday, huh Bonnie?
This isn’t funny. I can’t do my job.
Yes. The Blue Screen of Death.
Excuse me?
Nothing.
No. You said The Blue Screen of Death. What do you mean?
I’m not supposed to call it that Bonnie. It slipped out. I’m sorry.
But there’s a reason you call it that right?
Well….

Look I just need my computer fixed.
Yes. Yes I know. I can feel your anxiety.
My anxiety?
Yes.
That’s good because right now I’m experiencing anxiety in spades. I need to update the master spreadsheet.
Can you imagine a day without spreadsheets? Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Just imagine if there were no more spreadsheets on the planet.
Bodhi.
Have you got any other work you can do?
Yes but it’s all on my computer. I need my computer.

The thing of it is, Bonnie, there’s a national ticket on this problem.
Oh God no. Not a national ticket.
I’m afraid so. I’m going to have to….
No.
I’m sorry Bonnie, I have to…
No. Not that.
If you want your computer fixed I have no other option.
Not the second level.
Look at it this way. At the second level there are stronger and more knowledgeable representatives, trained to help you with your problem.
Listen Bodhi. You can fix this. I don’t want to go to the second level.
Sometimes we all have to go to the second level Bonnie. It can’t be helped.
Bodhi if you bump me up to the second level, I might as well go home. I’ve been to the second level. It could be days. And then they might have to send a technician. I don’t want a technician Bodhi.

I’m sorry Bonnie. I’m not authorized to take the Blue Screen of Death online training module.
There’s a training course on this problem?
Well, it’s a common problem.
So then why haven’t you been trained?
It’s a second level issue.
What do you get trained in then? Identifying anxiety?
Yes. We do have a psychology module.
You’re having me on.
Well, yes I’m kidding. I’m sorry. We don’t really take psychology courses.
What do you get trained on?
Don’t you think I want to be trained to fix problems?
I don’t know what you want Bodhi. I just know I want my computer fixed.
I have feelings too Bonnie.
Look. Just generate the ticket number.

Are you still there?

Bodhi?

Bodhi? Are you crying? Ah shit. Bodhi I didn’t mean to offend you.

Bodhi. It’s OK. Stop crying.
It’s not you. You just want your computer fixed. That’s what everyone wants. I just wish one day I could fix something.
Aw Bodhi, look it’s not all that bad.

Bonnie, have you tried unplugging your computer then plugging it in again?
Well no. Everything turned blue so I just called the Help Desk. Hang on I’ll try it. I’ll try anything.

It’s booting up now….blue screen again…still blue screen…still blue screen. It’s flickering now…blue screen again.

Damn.

Wait. Bodhi, my home screen is back. It’s up. Bodhi, it’s working. My computer is working. Bodhi you’re a genius.

The ticket number for your reference is 684211883. Is there anything else I can help you with this morning?

 

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